Use case is that I want my mobile to alert me when my poisonous mushrooms have boiled enough.

  1. Find mobile
  2. Unlock phone
  3. Scroll down menu… Ah Settings… I want to set a 5 minute countdown
  4. Hmm… is it Time and date settings
  5. Gah! It’s nowhere here… lets go back to the beginning
  6. Menu, scroll down… Past Settings this time…
  7. Alarm clock. Yes! Exactly! I want to be alarmed after 5 minutes
  8. Alarm time…no… I want it to count down damn it. Where is the count down feature. No I do not want to set my fucking tone.
  9. BACK AGAIN to the menu
  10. Hmmm, could it be in Calendar? ... nooo
  11. Applications. Well, yeah, count down is an application.
  12. Select application, App. downloads, Memory… ok I want to select the application
  13. Opening… (empty)... WTF. HELP ME LORD. I JUST WANT TO SET A 5 MINUTE COUNTDOWN TIMER
  14. BACK AGAIN
  15. Extras, Services… Hmmm which one… I’ll shoot for Extras as Nokia don’t seem to give a hoot about my time so why not extra?
  16. Sweet JESUS! Countdown timer. Ok, lets select this…
  17. 00:00, is that minutes and seconds? I’ll assume hours and minutes
  18. 00:05, OK… this must be it… please…. let this be it…
  19. Note for timer? WTF? JUST TIME DOWN YOU FOOL
  20. J (I am not going to type in “You’re mushrooms are done”), OK, Timer running. AT LONG LAST.

6 or so minutes later:

  1. Hey, five minutes must be up now… why doesn’t that Nokia 3100 ring ?
  2. OH FFS… It’s on silence. Oh shoot me now, life is not worth living if this stuff is our future…

False Morels with potatoes